Food, women, and food

So im boozin yet again and ive lost my phone so dont call me. If you were gonna call me you can write me a letter or still send me some morse code shit cause i know we all know morse code. Fuck you guys, you dont know morse code. But yeah i lost my god damn phone so im pretty pissed but i get pretty happy wqhen i open the ole e dubbs and pour myself a strong one. Ok so i got nothing to talk about tonight but hey im just typin what comes to the fingers cause apparently people like what i type. Oh man once i get maddied im immediatly getting a blumpkin and demanding sex every night from my wife other wise i will not go hunting and bring home the daily catch of the day which could be a cougar, or a god damn seal. Who knows what fucking people eat these kinds of days, i eat what ever the fuck i can find. My house has gone green so ive had to salvage around. Theres fucking egg whites in the fridge. What the FUCK happened to a regular god damn egg. I love eggs and the yolk is perhaps but not probably the best part of an egg. It gives it the flavor and i get a power rush out of it, cause im like yeah, your not being born you little chicken shit, im eating you in a delicious sandwich, probably in a bagle topped with some salk n peppa and perhaps some brown sugar if im feeling ambitions but sometimes i dont give a shit and im lazy so ill leave out the brown sugar. But hey, we all like a little brown sugar, in our lives, ohh man ryan knows what im talkin about. Hes banged his share of black women in his days, id say the count is up to like 45 women, and this is the total 190% truth cause ryan is a god damn hound dog. Not as much as marty though. This guy lives in the fuckin jungle. if there aint no black chicks around he'll fuck a god damn gorilla. And that is never a good time unless your into that which hey, why not, gorillas groom each other so its a clean fuck. ok so back to the egg whites. So i had to make these egge shit whites and man they looked disgusting. However i decided to mix things up. As i was cooking i added some bacon to it, a lot of cheese i found in the cubbord and man did i douse this baby with so much salt and pepper. If you went swimming in this shit you would float there was that much salt but hey, fuck it, i like salt so im gonna put it on thjere. so yeah i added some peppers too to be healthy so i did my shit for the day then a took a nap for a few hours. Ok im gonna go do some more boozin and try to sleep with some cougars. until we meet again fare thee well kind sir, or miss but i doubt any babes read this shit.

the Avalanche and beaves tasty ass

As i sit in this room here with my drink and my shirt with holes in it and my 70s beach shorts, I wonder. What the fuck would i do in a fuckin avalanche. Ok, first of all id never be skiing on a fucking huge ass mountain with brazilians shooting shit to induce the snow to fall and kill some mexicans. Ok ok, i can only hope that a few of them are taken out. Now lets get back to the subject, say im in switzerland doing some full shit ass scale skiing down the most dangerous mountain known to switzerlanderrs. So im skiing with my buddies jared, danny boy, marty, beave, and lets not forget the big old pile of fitze. So were all skiing and dan is being gay by skiing backwards so he hitsd a tree and dies instantly so he dosent have to deal with snow being on him slowly crusing him, taking the breath right out of his tiny little lungs. So the rest of us are skiing and fucking moulzie rips this huge ass fart and the echo sets off a chain reaction to the top of le mountain and the snow begins to fall. so were all skiing at unsafe speeds to get the fuck out of there but the snow knows no speed but the speed of light so it is upon us like shit on rice. So the first thing i, tim "cougar hunter" MickyD curls up into a ball and strategically leavs some space in his ball to breathe and maneuver. Now as for the othwers, marty shits himself leaving a brown streak down the mountain and is swallowed up by the snow, never to be heard from again. A plaque now stands om the mountain with a full bottle of Jack and a quote, " Im goin down shittin my pants and feelin as warm as possible you mother fuckers!" And man did marty feel ware covered in his own feces tumbling down that mountain. As for Jared, he claims that he is an ex[ert skiier but hey, i claim that im a fucking expert reader, it dont mean that im gonna go around reading novel to novel and soaking up all this fucking informatuion so i dont believe him. he pizzas the whole way down the mountain, quickly getting eatin up by the snow and his last words were fuck this shit im going to be crushed into a pickle, that way i can eat myself and shot out a cucumber. Fuck, i dont even know if that makes sense. Now the snow is upon us. Beave and ryan curl up cause they see me do it and there like oh shit tims gonna survive this shit so lets curl up. So we all do. Once all is said and done, i come out of my rather large ball, taking into account i left extra room, i now have a little chasm to sit around in. First things first, i take out my flask and down it cause im scared to shit and i want to be feelin good as i dig my way out of this fucking shit they call snow. its probably gods sperm covering this shitty parts of the world such as new zealand and new hampshire. So i start digging and i know what way is up cause im not a fucking moron so i dig. After approxmatly 30 hours i come upon ryan and beave, they have already found each other and they are now naked huddling up. So i immediatly say GAYYYY and i proceede to remove my clothes and fucking put myself in the corner alone rathjer then cuddle up with old fitze and the beave. So after 5 days of keeping warm and drinking out own filtered urine cause ryan carried a britta with him, i have to make a decision, who is going to die to feed the others. Now ryan supplied the britta to make our piss taste delightful so i immediatly cut beaver in the leg, making him bleed everywhere. I make a miscalculation and he does not die and he fights back, Ryan jumps on his back and slowly chokes him as i watch in delight as the emperor watched anakin kill count dooku in star wars. ryan gets the order finish him and snaph his neck. Now we have some meat and let me tell you, ryahn didnt waste any time, biting right into beaves scrumptions ass. Why he picked the ass i can only speculate, but i think it was cause beave worked out and had a defined ass. So beave was devoured down to the bones and now it was ryan and tim. They then use beaves pelvic bone as a shovel and dig their way out to freedom. Tim creates a union and has ryan do all the work because tim is clearly defined as the supervisor and he supervided aleright. Tim however gave ryan a mandatory 15 minute break every 6 hours. It took 10 days but they eventually broke the top surface only to find that everyone had given up hope. Fuck them, tim said, we survived and they sled down the mountain using old possum pelts. They reach the bottom and tell their tale to the natives, thereforte going down in the anals of history forever.

The Boston Story. Part: Dos. Senior Citizen Discount.

Ok ok, im back. To you all, I would like to apologize for the ramblings last night cause i was pretty wasted but then again when am i not. Well right now im just feelin good but not totally trashed. So lets recap. Im in Boston with Jared and were just chillaxin in this club when i see this hottie 55 year old large Texan woman. Man was she wasted in this bar. So i make my move, or series of moves to get this hottie. She kept moving away from me but i was persistant and in the end we end up taking a cab ride home as i described earlier. Ok were back and in the room, and it was a sweet room in the center of Boston so this bitch was loaded and i was happy. So ive got a full tent erected and as i said her fucking shoes were made in china so they took 10 years toi get off. So once off we proceed to bone. And it was some sweet boneing. Ok so maybe I couldnt remember her name all night cause she kept asking me. She was like whats my name and im like i dont fucking know and she goes get the fuck out of my room. My response was simply im not getting the fuck out, im gonna fuck this shit out of you and there was no more discussion. She also said that she was old enough to be my grandma and i replied, "Well miss, i find that very sexy so lets do it." So we going at it in every position that i know which is like 4 or 5 maybe. Ok let me tell you that this chick gave the worst blow job ever. My weiner was sore cause she kept using her teeth but i wasnt gonna say anything, its not every day im mackin with the ladies and it actually works. So around like 4 am i gots tto take a shit. Now i thought we were at that stage in the relationship where i could take a shit with the door open so i do. Man did it smell and im pretty sure she could hear me throughout the entire dropping of the deuce. But hey, i finished up, came out pround and nothing was said so we just did it again and man was it sweet. Oh shit i also farted alot during the night which was awkward so i tried to caugh as much as i could or talk loud to cover it up but hey who cares. So we finally go to sleep at like 6 am and i sleep like a baby. My snoreing did keep her up all night but i didnt give a shit cause my work was done, or so i thought. So at 9:30 AM she gets a phone call from her son whom she is moving into Harvard University. I can hear him saying hey mom im at church where are you? Im like oh shit ok i dont want to wait for this conversation so i just start finger banging the shit out of her and shes moaning so much on the phone that she has to hang up and we proceeded to do it again. Oh man she was pretty ugly and im no prize so i kept the lights off and the blinds closed so it was pitch black in there but i found my target many a times in those fateful hours. I finally end up leaving around 10 am and i have just enough money to take the T train back to meet up with Jared and the whole day my dick was sore and i had the worst headache ever but it was worth it. Now i know im supposed to take her panties but i one uped her, in the room, i left a single pair of socks and a single large pair of Underware which she now hangs on her wall as a reminder of the most incrredible ride of her life. Ohhh yeah, i did it.

The Boston Story. Part: One.

Now for those of the weak of heart, go get a better heart of gather the fuck around for one of the most fucking amazing stories you sweet ass will ever hear. the evening begins at tims house AKA my house on a calm satudat evening. I was enjoying a nice bagel toasted with some sweet sour cream and amazing jelly. Let me tell you this combination of cream and jelly melts in your mouth, if it dosent you are fucking stupid or a retard cause its awesome. So i was sitting at home when jared calles me, and i ignore it as usual. Im like whart the fuck hes gonna tell me to chug a brewski and i dont want too at 2 PM so i just ignore it. Soon after i begin to ponder, hmm maybe i Can go down for the evening even though i HATE Boston and enjoy Jared for onbe night. I owe this fine soldier this honor to come and visit him. So i Drive my shitty ass Honda down to visit this asshole whom i love to the towen i despise. So on the way there traffic, who would have guessed in the asshole shit ass FUCK town of boston whom i HATE. So i arrive in Boston, we eat some food and get some booze and then go to eat at Jarteds PAD. So whilst boozin, he gets this call from this bitch sayin we need to go out soon. Jared, with his dick as his compass says ok tim we need to go and im like what the FUCK. I want to drink some more and jareds like get the fuck up so i pound as much as i can and then leave for a night out on the town. Let me tell you, the first hour, i was pissed caused we rid this shit stained train and subway only native to boston cause ti sucks ballz and i FUCKIN HATE BOSTON!. So after we get off we still have to walk 5 miles to thr first baer we are at and let me tell you, its a fucking asshole in the wall. We alk in and theres like 2 tables made of shit and a fucking bar, i was pissed. A Pabst Blue Ribbor beer was 5 BUCKS! FUCK BOSTON FUCK THEM!!!! I HATE boston with ass my ass and penis cause i will piss on anyone from boston even if its a hot wonen. Then ill piss on her then fuck her, FUCK BOSTON. Ok well we left thius first bar abnd went to some club where it was packed and it was a prertty shady bar/ club. So we arrive at this second club and i wan tto drink heavily cause im still sober so i buy like 3 shots and 9 brewskis. So im feeling prwetty good and all or a sudden i se this HOTTIE in a corner. And when i say hottie i mean a Large 55 year old Texan woman. let me tell you, she was wasted out of her mind and i wanted to get some pussy so i was trying my best which is trying my physics and asshole jokes and she was buying them as above prices! I was so pumped, i was like holy shit im gonn go to Jareds places and bang this shit out of this babe, but i was mistaken..... After a few rounds the bar tender askes me to take this bitch home and im like i dont know who she is and later im like i k now the fuck she is and shies coming home with me you bouncer. So we eventually leave in a cab that i made her pay for cause i had literally no mney left and i dont rememeber the cab ride homr but it must have been sweet and sour as the chinese might say. SO... we get back to the hotel room and BOOM, shes making out with me on the way in but she doset have her card. So we went to the front desk and im making out with this old bad in front of the workers and i dont give a shit becAUSE IM GONNA FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF HER and the desk people just laugh and give us the key, sorry for the caps, but i really fuck the shit out out her. Alright i gots to slow down and have a drink which im gonna do now and have a lot of it so fuck you BITCH. Ok so we get back to the room and i take a piss. So i get out and she goes in and im so excited that im taking off all my clothes cause i want the pussy and im SO EXCITED and im just pitchin a tent makde for fucking red bull himself. So she comes out totally dressed and im like what the fuck ok im gonna havwe to do all the work and so i do. Firsrt parts first, i start to take off her shoes and i have trouble and im like what the fuck so i just rip them off breaking the strap i dont give a shit. So her Shoes are off, so the rest just falls off like a giod damn dorrito on vacation. AKA... it all just fals off. Oh man so not gonna lie i had trouble with her shoes but hey who cares ill fuck her with her shoes on, hey who wouldnt. I WOULD!!!!... Ok so her clothes are off, lets just say that I AM PUTTING THIS IN CAPS CAUSE YOU NEED TO HEAD THIS... I FUCKED THE SHIT OUT OF HER ALL NIGHT LOOOOOOONG.

The Facebook Anteater Story

I once saw ryan battle a ant eater with his bare hands. The battle was fierce and bloody but in the end the ant eater was eating to many ants so ryan whipped out his sword and stabbed the eater in the heart, underneath its brilliant shield of armor.... The next day when ryan awoke from his slumber he was asked what he was going to do now, and the legend responded, ill go eat some fuckin ants no that the fat ass ant eater is dead, and so ryan got himself some tasty ants and a brewski.

I LOVE BEING NAKED

So I was legit lying on my front lawn naked in the shade cause it was so hot and I couldn’t help but wonder. If there are any doubts as to if I laid outside naked, just ask anyone I know about streaking once in the softball field at PC and once down Huxley with the beave man cause we honor our word. Why the fuck cant I be naked all the time, and it dawned on me, lets just have a naked society. With everyone being naked, it would solve sooo many problems that I will rant about in a few seconds cause it dosent take that long to read ahead but MY GOD it takes like minutes to type and I hate everyone that says im slow. Well actually I am pretty slow, I move like old people fuck so yeah go ahead and blame me for being slow I don’t give a shit. Being slow makes me sweat less and save more energy. BUT! You know what would make me sweat even less then not moving, BEING NAKED! That’s my first point. The obvious cooler way to go is no clothes in the shade. Fuck wearing white or wearing black to heat up, they are all false laws to TIM “COOL SHORTS” MCDANIEL, like I don’t give a shit what you wear, if its 90 out, its gonna be 90 out no matter what the FUCK you wear you asshole physicist trying to tell me what the fuck blocks the sun. Theres one god damn thing that blocks the sun, its god damn air conditioning, or more fondly known as AC. So nakedness and all its goodness. Fist of all let me tell you and Scottie will appreciate this, we should all be naked so that the guys can check out the ta ta’s on some fine woman and the ladies can check out the goods. This saves soo much time in mating because the ladies can see right away what they are gonna get “goods” wise and the guys can see the fun bags that they will be playing with that night or if married, the rest of their lives. PS this rules out any chance of any woman sleeping with me cause im just that big. And PPS Ryan goes for the flat bags ladies, FYI. Moulzie, that’s another story cause this guy goes for the BIGGEST fun bags ive even seen. The lady can be a DOG but if she has huge tits, they the moulzie is hooked like a god damn bass on a hook line and sinker. Now aside from looking at the goods and boobs, another reason why we should all be naked is the time we can save in our daily lives. What to wear in the morning, what the wear at brunch, what to wear during sex, what the wear at dinner, what to wear to bed, who the fuck cares. If we are naked all the time and everything is out there then we could save millions of hours per person on our lives. Hey, im going to a princess gallery, oh man im going naked, oh man, im going to the beach, what to wear, ohhhh nothing, yikes! What to wear out to eat at a nice restaurant or a crappy one, NOTHING!!! It makes soo much sense, wear nothing so that we do not have to waste time worrying. Along with the worrying is the money we wil all save if we do not have to buy clothes. Oh man sorry I just looked out the window and my bro is back whom I sent to get tonic water to mix with a certain cheap gin. Hey don’t get me wrong ill go gin straight but ive gots to play some basketball later, so I don’t want to get too wasted. Ok so as I was saying, yeah fucking everyone can save on their prom dresses and tuxes therefore leaving more money for the actual economy and therefore making us the best country on the planet behind France of course. Another reason we should all be naked is because it will all make us feel more free, even the blacks. Why do you think babies cry when they come out of the womb, its because we immediately wrap them up in swaddeling clothing and then immediately put them into cute little dresses that they can rawl around in. NO! Babies want to be free I tell you and so do adult human beings. So I pray that you all take up my cause of being naked for the rest of your lives and rock out with you cock out. Thank you.

Tim's WORK Theory

WORK.  It is the only thing we all have in common besides breathing and shitting but ill leave them points to the certain men and women who breath and shit, oh and drink water and eat.    BUT work, we all must do it for it is a party of life that we all must do.  If you do not work you become a moulzie or a geek. You NEED to work, it makes the world go round like waste.  The oldest person in the world lived because he had a routine and he had to work every day. If you do not work, you better be loaded which I will become when I hit the lottery or own an oil company, this is the proper principles of life and if you break them you are fucking with some pretty important facilities that will probably have you killed if you break them.  The only reason these overpowering facilities have not terminated is because im fucking baler and I love to suck titties and because milk makes the body strong and titties contain milk so they cannot break me.   BOOM I should be a god damn mathematician.  Boobs= milk= stronger bones= live longer= all women gives boobs up to all men no matter how big= a longer life expectancy and my god I should be the leader of the world for this shit.  So yeah back to my working theory, if one is to not work, then one has no purpose then to spend money which is good for the government but bad for society.  Sorry to all senior citizens but if you have a job then you NEED to be there to produce something good.  If you don’t have a job then you are not needed.  NOW as to working, there can be no break.  As I told martaytay, it was Hitler and Rommel that took a break and Normandy was invaded.  If you want to check me go fuck yourself cause I saw it on the history channel.  Hitler was on vacation and Rommel had taken a sick day and did not want to be contacted which is why none of the fucking germens knew what to do cause they are all stupid shits.  Why do you think Russia came in and kicked the shit out of the Germans and pretty much every other country. Cause those communist bastards get no breaks, so they do not know the luxury, hense they do not need breaks so they can output more and therefore win any way that they are in.  Not to mention the face that they have millions of expendable people that they can throw at the enemy but that’s just it, they do not know how to take break from dieing and that’s why I love the Russians.  Enough about my philosophy, so last night I as just chillin with some evan willians and coke or E dubs and coke as I may call it from time to time and I was bored so after a few I went home.. After sitting at home a bit,   ohh man I just syped hoe instead of home and that would be AWESOME if I had a hoe sitting on my lap cause I could be bonenin her 25/7 and I would even care and neither would she cause id be payin her through PLEASURE and I said it as its pronounced, that’s how I roll.  Bout yeah instead of the hoe I was at home sitting down and I thought man this is boring so lets go have a few shots.  I ended up going over my bros where my E dubs is and having 14 shots in a half and hour and let me tell you I was feeling amazing.  I was listening to the slowest songs of all time and I was just chillin cause I like to listen to sow songs cause they slow down my heart beat which may not be good but I do it anyways.  Anyways that’s allz I got for today, if u got any questions don’t hesitate to ask cause will answer all, including what I ate for breakfast and how many times I whack it in a day.  Thanks, byeeeeeee.

WHOOPS and BALLER

Ok so Tim McDaniel put his foot in his mouth yet again. And yeah i can call myself in the third person cause im a fucking God mother fucker if you got beef, go make a fucking taco and feed it to me cause its all bullshit. Not literally with the whole foot thing, im not that flexible but I could do it cause im baller. No, ok so I was at a party at my bros and we never have black people over, nothin against them, we just don’t know any. So a few nights ago, my bro did have this black girl over but she was friend of a friend so not on the guest list which I check often to watch my jokes. So I noticed her but ok I thought she had a bad tan, you know how women love to sit out in the sun for hours, personally, I go the all natural way but working out in the sun. Those who know me know I have a mean farmers tan. So yeah this girl looked tanned or Milano like. So I was talking to my friend and I forgot if I was telling a joke or just talking but I said Nigger and she immediately shot me a dirty look cause she heard me. My friend were dying laughing and I really didn’t care so she left immediately and the party continued, mission success. Nah, it wasn’t a mission and I thought she was coming back with the entire hood but we were good the rest of the night. Look I don’t know how it happened, these are just things that occur at tim mcdaniel parties, ive made an ass out of myself so many times. Ive evn gone as far as to make up a fake name to a lady who claimed her name was Cody. Who the fuck is named Cody besides a man. So besides the norm, ive just been chilln, my alcohol study is all but over with a one month check up and an extra 2 HUNDO in my pocket. Oh man, well the alcohol challenge as they called it consisted of me in a room for 3 hours watching national geographic and no human contact besiades the guy bringing drinks in for me. There was one drink I had to drink and I could refuse the next 8, I refused none cause im baller like that. They are paying me to drink and im gonna go ahead and refuse to booze it up, go FUCK yourself if your not gonna take a drink when your getting MONAY!!!!! So yeah I took all the drinks but I was soooo bored, they were making them so weak I was so pissed but my blood alcohol was like .11 and they wouldn’t let me out until I was under .02 so im like go fuck yourself im fine and they let me go early. I came down a bit but I was still rockin and ready to roll. So besides bangin broads and doing as little work as possible I just chill now a days with a Koozie in my hand always filled with a brew. Actually im rockin a Jack and coke cause I got a handle of Jack for my b day and it tastes delicious. So its inspiring me for a story. This is based on a true story about my friend Scottie. Scottie was a tall thin man who loved his brews and women. One day whilst Scottie basked in the sun on his private island which he invites me over too all the time. Oh m an let me tell you this island is fucking baller. Hes got it staffed with Mexicans from all around Mexico that shit hole it is, sorry if you are Mexican and reading this, its your problem, not mine. So yeah Scottie has millions of beaches on this island and he was rockin one day when a yacht with Jessica Alba pulls on up and she wants to bang the scott meister. Let me tell you, Scottie is no easy catch, the woman could be Queen Apherdite herself which I totally spelt wrong but shes the godess of sex and scott would play hard to get, that’s how fucking baller he is. So Jessica was just chillin on the beach and I was like bitch get the fuck out of my sun and go grab me a brew. For those that know me, that’s the reason I got a negative imprint of a babe on my rock hard solid chest. So she moved and continued to grab me Scottie and marty who was also there wacking off in the corner with a coconut, which is more comftorable then you think. So when Jessica returned, Scottie proceeded to bring her to the cabana and bang her ohhh id say 15 times. Yeah I had about 15 drinks so id say that’s right. At that time marty came to me and we both went turtle hunting cause they taste delicious. I know I know, they are my favorite animal but that just means that they tase extra delicious. In the evening hours Scottie proceeded to sink Jessicas boat and execute all Mexican members on board. Marty and I had no quams with the decision and made the other Mexican people watch from the island to remind them what would happen if they pissed in out cereal or whatever that might do. I do not fuck around when it comes to cereal and Scottie, he would love his cinnamon toast crunch and if there was piss in it, it ruined his whole day. So with Jessica on the island, Scottie lives happily ever after and Marty and I visit often and sometimes get a piece of Jessica, not food but you know what I mean, and we pay Scottie tribute like ever time we go over, a fine price to pay for such a piece of meat. Speaking of tribute, Ryan, you owe us all like 150,000 dollars just because youa re lower on the food chain then us. So pay up of fucking scott will eat you. He will literally cook you and eat you, and ill grab a leg whilst im at it. YEAH.

the DIrstiest of the DIRTY: MOULZIE

How dirty is the moulzie, ohh let me count the ways. He is the Acoustic tuner of the shit guitar that so many musicians play. Let me tell you this, if you cannot play Rolling Stones Street Fighting man, then just put the fucking guitar down cause you suck ballz. Moulzie is the Baron of Bountiful waste, the Creator of crap, yes I just said that word and don’t even question it cause that’s how its used, in this exact content. He is the Dark lord of dung. Not the dung found at any zoo, the dirtiest zoo in the world which I don’t know what it is but it may just well be in Rhode Island cause we gots some shitty areas here which is probably the main reason the moulzie resides in this great state. Moulzie is the Dgotistical lover of the ecosystem and how it is sustained with the mere mention of shit and any type of shit. He is the Founder of Fecal matter, the God of gonads and I am using that word to mean fucking ballz, if you got beef, see the moulzie. He is the Harbinger of Hacked u pieces of shit, that dirty moulzie. He takes in whatever he can, into his wide area of girth that he loves to boast about. Homos, blacks, he loves all and he welcomes all in even the smelliest. Moulzie is the Intimidator or smelly things. He just stares them down until they begin to smell so rank that only himself can stay in the room which is the way he likes it cause he flogs the dolphin to the stench. He is the Joker of farts, passing out so many that he has a vocabulary for them. He has such weapons as the head banger and whirlwind, all very dangerous if you are caught in the room with this smelliest of the smelliest. He is the King of Cock, ok that didn’t make sense but moulzie loves the cock and it rhymes so I just added to slide it on in there and see what happens, if you like it take it on in, if you don’t just send it right on back. Moulzie is the Lover of Lumps of Turds, the Monopolizer of monkey droppings cause they smell so much and he is a business man at heart so he just wanted to make some money, can you blame the guy. He is the Nano-finder of particles so small they do not exist but the moulzie can smell and almost taste them that he goes hunting for them in his weird kind of world that he likes to live in called Stankville. Not to be confused with Skankville in which Ryan lives in and is visirted many many times by Marty. He is the Optometrist of odd smelling things, the Prosecutor of popuri, the Queef Master of all queefs, yes he loves em’ and he would die for any one of his subjects. That’s how dedicated he is, willing to lay down his very life at the sign of any distress or clean smelling thing such as myself. Oh by the way I don’t even give a shit how I smell but im nothing like the old dirt moulzie cause I actually like some clean smelling things such as a pineapple or peach. Moulzie is the Ringer of raunchy things, bringing them into holy matrimony with himself. He is the Sex- ed teacher for homeless people, trying to double the dirtyness every day. God damnit moulzie when will it ever end. He is the trickster that makes us wonder if we sould let this fart out when were in a group of people and the moulzie pushes us to YES. He is the U in YOU and the smell you reek of right now. He is the the Vacuum of all things that smell, he just sucks them on up to let loose in his air tight house of shit. He is the Wrangler of all those smelly bulls and their hides. He is the X-Ray machine of all this is unseen to the human eye, picking up even the slightest hint of dirt so that he may store it in one of the many holds he has on life. He is the Yukon valley of dirt, and finally he is the Zebra of all animals, including humans. All black and white, pick a fucking color and stick to it, stop being so god damn dirty and pick black so we cant actually see how fucking dirty you are. JEEZ!!!!!! And that ladies and gentlemen is how dirty the dirtiest moulzie is.

Fuck Theory

I consider myself to be my own worst enemy but then again as a one Conway Twitty once said, it is better to keep ones own enemies closer they friends so in actuality, im closer to myself then anyone can ever imagine. As for my actual enemies, they are going to stay the far fuck away from thins hunk of burning love cause I don’t want them assholes anywhere near me. Fuck you Machavelli you asshole, your dead. Maybe if you kept your friends closer youd still be alive, hahahaha, ohh man im still alive and your medieval ass is dead asshole. Maybe back in the day it was cool to shit in a tower and let it just build up in a fucking hole but today we have more distinct things such as toilets and ohh man do I make frequent use of them cause I like em’. Hey, let me know one person who has not been on a toilet at least 100 times in their life and ill show you a man ful of shit….. LITERALLY!!!!! Ohh man ahahaaahha, ok im actually laughing cause I just made that up and it actually makes sense which is a rare case with tim mcdaniel. For example, I could say that porcelain is made out of the purest whale bone from the spermiest Sperm Whale, but that’s just not the case, it probably just taken from some shit whale like the beluga whale who is a piece of shit for being named after a very popular form of chip the bugle. NOW, for those of you not familiar with the bugle, it is an amazing chip that comes in a variety of flavors not to be fucked arrouind with. You have your sour cream and onion and your cinnamon. Well enough abouyt me, wehen I eat my bugles, I usually put one of them on each finger, pretent to be that asshole with the scizzor hands but instead of cutting things, I eat my fingers off and they taste sooo good. So my friend made some amazing steaks last night and they were wrapped in bacon. Let me tell you, I don’t care if I die, these things are fucking amazing when u cook them right, the bacon just saturates shit and it tastes all like a big old bacon steak and I fucking FUCKING LOVE IT! But yeah I had about a hundren of them and some ka bobs and they were soo tasty. Oh if I repeat myself im very sorry but im wasted and I don’t give a shit don’t read it… RYAN…. Ok so hey just some shout outs to marty, jared, dan, beave, and Texas ccause they are all rockin and in most of my stories so you may be hearing a lot from these guys. OH man I almost forgot, which I do a lot, ok so last night, my bro woke me up outside. Apparently I had fallen asleep outside in the rain whilst smoking a stogie and I was just chillin out there cause I don’t give a shit, I was soaked but ballin it cause when your soaked you can pee your pants and no one would know which is baler and I would never do that cause I only pee in the toilet. Ok maybe not but those stories are for another time. Peace out, and keep on a rockin peeps.

I LOVE MEAT and a story

FUCK PETA. These people are all assholes and sorry to any viewers who eat only pussy food, you suck. To those who eat meat, I salute you. Boar, pig, cow, goose, deer, duck, ohh man sooooo good. So as I was saying, PETA people only know how to masturbate and eat their own shit cause they aint eating anything good. We are a hunter society. I just came from burger king with some tasty burgers and my god they were good. Yeah, my heart hurst and my artories are most likely clogged but I LOVE eating meat. WOW, ryan is so gay, he just asked me my favorite cereal and I said Honeycombs because they are mazing and this also goes along with my PETA argument because honey is like bees kids so im eating the little bee children before they are born. Hows that for bee abortion. And no im not trying to rhyme. Yup, ryan sucks cause he said corn pops and it just goes to show that he likes corn shuved up his butt which is why hes up the butt ryan. Ohh ,man, yeah I brought it back, thanks jared But yeah, I will go out every night and hunt me down something to eat. I saw a raccoon a little while ago, hes got meat, if I cook it with the right herbs and spices that shit will taste amazing and keep he nourished. TEEHEHEHEHE, herbs is a funny word. Its like my buddy Herb like that’s not even a name man you’re a god damn topping to food, go grow some balls. Off of the PETA issue, im just chillin here on another Friday night, usually Thursday nights are party time for me at my bros and last night it was. I had to carry the team in flip cup and while those pussies were going a droplet of beer in the cup, I was going full blown half cups and more. FUCK being a panzie, you only live once. Well that’s all u got from me but ill hit u up with one of my classic stories that I composed somewhere. Enjoy……. [ Baum Chicki Baum baum! The disco player started to lay the beat down at Shakers Crab shack which doubled as a disco parlor at night. The owner of the club, a one Martin “Hubert” Torcher, more commonly known as Marty Hubes, was a voluptuous man, pleasing many many women each night he was open for business. One fatefull evening, the joint was hoppin and local Disco legend Beaver “Lasso” Conco was layin the beat down on these fucking noob ass bitches who were from Chicago. Ohhhhhhhh how the Chicagoans were hated at this ragtime new Hampshirean disco bar. Well Well on this well on this stormy night when the moon was as bring as ryans face on a squirrel filled day, there was a throw downat the bar. Hubes was outraged but intrigued at the same time. He scratched his jet black, almost intoxicating har and pondered to himself, if this mother fucker wants to dance, then let em’ dance! The challenger was a one Ed “MOulzie” JuJu and he was a young and boistorious lad. He had made a living selling maps to high schools but lost it one day when an innocent child made fun of Moulzies baby blue disco pants. Moulzie calmly took the boy to the back field and broke his knees so that he could never learn the sacred art of disco dancing. From that point on, Moulzie hustled low level hookers on the street out break dancing them for spare change. He also had a girl dance for him and he spooged all over her but cause he never touched her, he demanded he was not to pay and he got away with it. DAMN DIRTY MOULZEEEE. This all changed at Shakers Crab shack/ disco bar where moulzie soon had a rebirth. Lasso, at the hometown disco DUKE, made the first move. He busted out with the most vicious Lawnmower ever, killing 5 old ladies in the stands. Moulzie countered with a beast sprinkler head. The 2 dancers moved to the center of the court where a little tiny man by the name of Danny was having a picnic with 5 women. All were killed by the onslaught of the 2 dancers. The 2 dancers began to battle on the dismond encrusted floor, not with fists, but with dance. Moulzie, being out of disco shape dropped dead after 45 minutes of disco batteling. He was buried that night by Hubes himself right under the disco floor, probably an illegal action now that hubes looks back on it. In less for his honor and more for the request of lasso, everyone in the bar was required to take 1 bourbon, 1 shot and 1 beer and so ends the story of one of the most epic battles at Shakers Crab Shack/ Disco Bar.!!!!!!!!!!!! Yayyyyyy bye. This is tim……. This is TIM.

Twiddle Me This, Twiddle Me That

For every Diamond, a Dog, every momument a schmuck, and for every hero, a pansy that he can pwn the shit out to achieve glory on the highest of scales.  YIKES!  Ok one more week till a big pay day for my alcohol study and I am freaking out.  Ive been halluseniating and shit, I know I spelt that wrong but ive been seeing shit that isn’t there so im freaking out.  BUT, I just tell they guy im fine so the meetings are sweet and slow.  But recently as I slumber and if I wake up I usually see a lonely man walk up and sit next to me.  And it sounds fucking crazy but ive done weirder things like fall asleep on a heater and burnt myself, BUT, as this solitary man sits next to me he talks to me and we have the most amazing conversations.  Well not amazing but I just keep asking are you real and every time I reach out to touch his soft body he disappears and I don’t like it cause this guy seems so lonely.  Perhaps it is a look deep into my life into the bowls of my boners etc etc.  Whatever it is, I hope he stops soon cause I stop taking the pills soon.  Anyways, ive been hooked on the Song Last Dance With Mary Jane and its pretty much one of the greatest songs of all times.  Any people think the song is about Marijuana, but I believe that it is about the sweet sweet taste of Mary Jane, AKA, pussy juice.  What better way to talk about it then to name it Mary Jane, so innocent.  If it isn’t that its like coconut cream pie of some shit, but its something GOOD.  Lets just say it is a last dance with one of my favorite things, booze.  It would not be a happy day, it would be the day the earth stood still, only my heart would stand still, and I would slowly pass to the underworld like Hemotep in the Mummy.  All those god damn mummies touching my sweet sweet BOD.  Yeah the ladies cant have my BOD, it goes to the demons of the underworld and they can all have a piece of the timenator.  Now I digress.  I cannot bloat my sexiness over the one, the only, the BROAVEST, a one Mister Conway Twitty.  Now people, you may be familiar with his swagger, but did you know he had the most number one hits out of asll the country singers up to the year 2000??????  Yeah, he beat out many fabs such as Johnny Cash, Hank Williams Sr.  etc etc.  THAT IS FREAKIN AWESOME!  Fuck Willie nelson, ill take Conway Twitty any day.  Some say he was born in Kentucky, NO, I say he was born in Heaven and he is the second son of God, sent down to teach us the ways of a baller human being.  Once Conway saw a commercial for Fantastic Sams and he immediately went there demanding that they cut someone’s hair to his dimensions.  The ladies and one fag guy tried as hard as they could but try and try they might, they couldn’t not.  Conway proceeded to kill everyone in the store including 2 old ladies who just wanted their hair cut that day.  Conway was praised a hero because no one could have his hair DOO.  He killed them all with a broken bottle of moose, which he despised cause it took away from his natural suave. Enough with Sir Conway Twitty.  Hes baller, end of story, anyone who has beef with that can come see me, ill defend him to the death.  So today was pay day and I was seriously considering my sexual fantasies with like 12 hookers but ill wait a few weeks until I can defiantly get 12, ill let u know when im close.  Now moving onto another issue, I don’t give a shit what people think, the most amazing animal in the world is the turtle.  They cant move fast, CAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE TO, and they just mozy around all day and have sex for like 3 hours at a time every 4 years.  Let me tell u why I want a shell.  I want one cause I could make fun of assholes on steroids or big black coons and they cant do anything about it.  The most they can do is pick me up when they do ill just piss on them cause that’s what turtles do, pee. And man, I would pee on so many black people cause that’s all they do is pee on society cause they DO NOT work and they just steal from people all day.  Its no surprise to me that the prisoner population in the US is 99.8% Black and that’s a proven fact.  Oh and by the way, I am pro death penalty.  Sorry SR. STANKS, but ill fry those mother fuckers before they can put their plea in.  I don’t give a shit, ill bash my gavel and have those mother fuckers bite the curb.  Ryans prob getting pretty pissed right now so ill stop being a racist.  In closing, there used to be this girl I Knew and loved.  Her name was Suzie.  Suzie never liked my physique, couldn’t figure out why, im a fucking golden stallion and she never liked the roofies I tried to put in her drink, yet she couldn’t stay away from me. Prob because I had a big on her and could and DID follow her everywhere.  Suzie finally had a restraining order  put against me but since I was a judge I didn’t care so her and I continued to date.  One day as I was eating a sweet piece of watermelon, which I LOVE, Suzie asked me to marry her, and being a millionaire, I said yes!  Lets do it.  Our marriage consisted of one of the most fucked up weddings of all time, the greatest sex I have ever had and then a divorce the next day.  It was alright, I had planted my seed and everyone lived happily ever after.  I had Suzie killed shortly after though, so fuck her. 

i love BALLZ

So im just sitting here and I was thinking. Now that I have 44 Billion dollars, who cares about anything! BUT, I Digress and compose a new post for you here tonight. Well I was wondering what the fuck would happen if we were all super heroes. First you have marty. Cool, calm and collected, if I had to pick who he would be, well I have deduced that he is batman. Dark, mysterious and with pointy ears. Yeah that’s him. Along with his piece of shit side kick robin, batman patrols the hallways searching for people out of place then he proceeds to kill them immediately. Marty’s motto, kill first, ask questions later. And god damnit he kills many many people. Now on to my good friend and fellow action hero Jared. Jared is a giant loogie on the underbelly of society. For him, I have picked the elusive Silver Surfer. Why you ask, well Jared likes to wear underwear only and pretend to surf in the living room at all hours of the day. Some times he will put it on a surfing movie like surfs up or Love in the time of Cholera and pretend to be surfing with the characters cause hes that gay. He also eats a lot of fish which means he will prob get mercury all throughout his body and therefore he will eventually turn silver. PS, jared will go bald eventually so its just another reason why he IS the silver surfer. He also wants to destroy the plant for a higher being that he follows, a Mister Buddy Weiser. Oh look at me going on and on about j ROD. Now onto the moulzie, sweet sweet moulzie. Moulzie is THE THING from fantastic 4. Now let me tell you why. The thing, like ole dirty moulzie, is big and bulky and has a heart made of pure sandstone from the fires of Mount St. Helens herself. She would not even let his heart out the god poked his finger up her bum so she had to explode, you may have seen it on TV, a natural disaster I ask you? NEY! It was a bitching match between the sweet sweet mountain and god himself. Now as more of why the Thing is moulzie. If you’ve seen the movie, you can see that the thing has a thing for blind black women. NEED I SAY MORE. That is right up old dirt moulzies ally. Tell me he dosent like the black women and being blind, they cant see how ugly he actually is. Sorry moulzie, I love you man and always will. But you do love black women and let me tell you, blind makes them extra better at other senses including FUCKING. Yes, I say again, blind women have better sex and I know from experience. Ok maybe not. Now onto my good friend and senior get away date Danny. This was a tough choice cause I could actually go male or female with my choices. I had to go with the Lone Ranger. All sturdy on his horse and shit he loves rangering around with his cowboy hat and shit. His rival, Walker, the texas Ranger beats him to the punch many a time but danny keeps truckin on and with no resolve. Now danny has a little partner cause poncho that he brings with him everywhere and he sometimes calls his partner PUKE and he gives it to TIM sometimes, not gonna name any times but I can sure remember one time. But I digress, I had my pay back coming to me when the BUTT CHEEK BANDIT lost to me and had to perform a certain act. So, the long ranger is perfect cause hes a bandit too, perfect! Now onto Beave. This was very hard because he is the ranking member of the Legend society and how can one person make him an action hero. How, I ask you, its like Ellen degenerate trying to hook up with a guy. It just dosent happen. And can someone tell me why that asshole has a show on actual television, I don’t get it, she sucks at life and does not deserve to be on TV, what the fuck man, she is not funny and she sucks ballz, or pussy teheheheehehehe. Now onto Beave. I have chosen Beave to be TARZAN. For many a reason, Beave is tarzan because he likes to wear a speedo and he loves women and booze. Shit its so hard to type tarzan because it has a z in it and I don’t like typing Z mother fucker. Oh yeah, hes tarzan cause he likes to swing from tree to tree and say the pledge of allegiance to the Jungle and I loe him so much that hes so cool and I would not give him up for the world because he is a patriot for the Empire and such a baller human being. So as being tarzan, beave joins ther ranks of Stalin, Kruschev and tarzan in that they probably all killed animals and tarzan is beast at killing them. Ok Now onto the money prize of Ryan. This is a very hard choice but im gonna have to go with Captain Planet. Why do you ask? Cause he saves the planet every day like a fag and hes so fucking stupid that hes not even a real super hero. What the fuck is captain planet. If theres a captain of the planet its fucking Bob Dole mother fucker. YES, I said iti, its bob fucking dole. Cause hes the fucking man and I love him so much. So why is ryan Captain Planet, cause ever time I tried to throw shit out my window or out the door ryan was like no I love huge man dick don’t throw that away I will eat it and use it for my man compost that I serve to guys at my diner on 69^th and 34^th street GEEK!!!! Now that’s enough about ryan everyone hes a good guy and I love him till death, but im not married to him so I really don’t. Hopefully he finds a nice guy to settle down with and call his hubby. Now onto me. Im pretty wasted now so all of my typing will not be there but im trying to concentrate. I, Timothy Zeus McDaniel am SNORLAX. Let me tell you why. Im a fucking huge guy who likes to sleep a lot but if you fuck with me you are gonna get a hypnosis and then a body slam because that just how I roll. Anmd actually if I do roll you will all be dead. PLUS, I have a huge ass and I love to sleep but I may have already said that but ok now im gonna go make another drink so peace out homies and I love you all, except ryan.

is i had A million Dollars

So as I sit in the vast space we call time, I can only think that what the fuck am I doing without a god damn drink in my hand. What the fuck am I, a god damn Jigabo slave on a colony who gets only water? NOT ME sir, fuck the jigabos. If you don’t know what a jigabo is by now you are an idiot so just ask senior moulzie what it is. So now a days, I hold on loosly but I don’t let go. If I cling too tightly I will defiantly loose control. Ok OK, you got me, that was a sweet sweet song by a one 38 Special. So its not only one band, its 38 of them…. FREAKY. So I was thinking today, what the fuck would I do with a million dollars. Statistically speaking a million is not much but I was listening to a song with that title so I thought of it. For recreational purposes, I will raise the amount to 44 billion dollars. Now there we go, I could fuck a donkey legally with that much money. Now that’s what im talkin about. Nah, only danny girl would do that and I would probably watch so that’s like the grossest thing ever. Oh! Post scriptum, ive been making wicskey cokes with a splash of lime juice and let me tell you, they taste fucking amazing so I suggest you try it. Ive been trying to add lime to everything I drink now, water, booze, coke, olive oil, etc etc and it frekin works with everything, god dam I bless the citrus wonderful taste of lime. Ok now back the issue at hand. If I had 44 billion dollars the first thing I would do is buy a mansion. NOW, this is not for my friends, this is for my sex activities. With my new mansion, I would buy like 18 hookers and stick them in all closets of the house and some on beds. And then I, like a small child on easter hunting for the elusive eggs would run around the house and look for chicks to bang. Tell me this is not an AWESOME idea. What guy would not want to pick out 18 babes of his chooseing and have them hiding. I would shit my pants every time I saw a sweet sweet babe in a closet. Id be like OHHH BABY, The Magician has found you and im about to pull some magic tricks on you. That being code word for I want to bang you, shut the fuck up and lets go. Ok so that’s my first mansion. Now immediately after that fantasy is fulfilled, I would buy a mansion the size of new Hampshire, the smallest state in the union and invite everyone to live with me. We would have ryan in the pool room, so he can clean the pool every night and watch for a fucking lady in the water cause that floats his boat. OHHH get it, he works in the pool so he has a boat that floats until the moulzie or myself jump in and sink it. Fuck you ryan. Ok, in the library would be a one Moulzie because he likes books I think but not soo much that, he could look up porn like non stop and he could have secret passages. Ohh man, I would soo have secret passages in every room and like mirrors that I could see out of so I could watch people do stuff. That sounds soo creepy but if u live in a mansion with me, just remember to keep it clean bitches. Ok, in the master bed room would be SIR Timothy McBONEya McDaniel. Yeah that’s me. My room would have its own bar and a private butler. Enough about me. The room with the most closets could go to only one person and you all know it before I even say it. Beave. This legend of a figure will be in the closest pretty much every night and not even sleep in the bed, he would just leave it for the hooker that I would supply every one every night. Now as for my inside garden room with like vines everywhere and shit, it would be for little Danny. He loves his plants and shit so much and I would never let him out of my sight cause hes so cuddly. He would make pumpkins year round to make pumpkin pie for everyone and have a special patch of plants that would be pecans for my pecan pie special that he would serve to me personally at our daily board meetings as to what were low on in the house. Now as for Martay, he shall spend his days in the study. Not actually studying, just looking for ways to dirty the pool for ryan to clean up. And let me tell you, Martay thinks up some nasty shit for ryan to work on in the pool. I love it. Whilst in the study, marty plays Clue with various servants and he always ends u winning cause he just kills them all in the end. Ohhhh martay. Now as for Texas. He spends his day in the Croquet house on the outskirts of the mansion. Let me tell you, he is no hermit. Texas is an expert cook and he loves to please our pallets with some sweet sweet steak or ribs. As tyou can see, I like to say sweet sweet a lot and if you don’t like it then fuck the fuck off cause I don’t like you asshole. Sweet is an amazing word though up by the god Zeus himself after he ejaculated on that bitch ass fairy that runs his errands. He spooged and said SAWEEETTTT!!!!! So yeah that’s the origin of that word. And now finally, last but not least is the famed jared. Jared spends his days in the garage, surrounded by garbage barrels and you all know what that means. THUNDERDOME. The garage is like a battle ground for jared and those who enter must face him. Even though many of us have eaten a world class meal by the time we go in there to get into out respective cars, he challenges us. That leads me to the cars. I drive a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow II, Martya drives a Lambourgini, Danny drives a DAE WOO, Beaver drives a Hummer 3 with no regard for the environment, Jared drives a Nissan Passant, Moulzie drives a ladies car, a Chrysler Sebring, Texas drives a sweet sweet Tractor Trailer and he is part of a convoy that rocks out with their cocks out. Finally we get to RYAN. Ryan drives a Ford Model T and he is the slowet mother fucker I have ever seen in my life. So that’s the garage, if I forgot someone just tell me and ill put u in cause im boozed right now. Now as for the mansion itself. It would have the named rooms plus 44 guest rooms for some kick ass parties. Now as for the bars. There will be 88 of them and they will be fully stocked at all times god damnit, I cannot stress this enough. That’s what the weekly board meetings are for, the booze situation. And so days would go by, nights would be partying and that’s basically what I would do with 44 Billion dollars. That should last me until I die. FUCK Richie rich, yeah I want a catapult that 1 person can use ever 4 hours. Fuck you RICH, I want booze, a pool with a pool boy (ryan) and booze. That is all, I hope you enjoy.

The Calm Before the Storm

OK.  Sorry to all my faithful viewers and geeks.  I have been very busy lately taking many many valuptious naps and playing Nintendo 64 since we found the cord that plugs it in.  YES!  You heard me, N 64 is back in business and its been all about Star Fox 64.  Ill come back to that but first of all, I forgot if I told every body cause im usually bombed when I write these and don’t worry im on my way to happy town as we speak.  Well, last week, I went to taco bell/ KFC like 5 nights in a row and it was sooo amazing but the work afterwards was not.  By work I mean shitting, I wont go into details because of all my female viewers and jared.  But yeah, each night we went, the bill was in the 50- 70 dollar range and the lady knew us.  LET me tell you, she was smoking!!!!  Well my bros thought she was ugly but she had the sweetest glasses I have ever seen and im a huge fan of the glasses on a females eyes.  NOT SUNGLASSES!!  Sunglasses are for posers and posers always die.  Your welcome Texas.  So as I was sayin, shit I don’t even care what happens anymore cause im just livin the high life and I love boozing and eatin, and pimpin out my sweet sweet hoes and by that I mean I lend out my collection of military hats for people to wear.  So if u need one for a special occasion, let me know cause the waiting list is like 3 months long.  Yeah im that baller and or retarded.  OH, my alcohol study is going fantastic and I get paid weekly which is good and bad.  I wanted to get paid at the end in a lump sum of money so I could rent a motel room and a black stripper and go to town all night on that dirty dirty bed and floor and bath tub BUT since I get paid weekly that wont be happening unless I save but I usually don’t save.  So getting paid weekly allows me to buy some booze and buy food at work which I usually busy the most cause im tim and im pretty big and I LOVES MY CHESEBURGERSS!  Shit I forgot what I was gonna go back on so give me a minute and ill go check.  OH!!! Ok I see the 64 so I know its not number of women ive slept with, that’s way to low so it has to be N 64.  So yeah Star fox mother fuckers, I have the high score and everyone is trying to beat me but I just keep staring at them whilst they play and they cant beat me.  I control the leader boards like a cake and I eat every piece cause it’s a strawberry cake and my favorite.  No I am not gay, I just like straw berries.  No if you assholes want to go PIE, id have to go pecan pie cause it tastes like the sweet sweet nectar of Zeus Pachado himself.  Who, do you ask is Zeus pachado.  Or Zeus Pachads as we commonly call him.  WELL, Pachads is a legendary action hero born of the fires of Durapus and he pretty much rocks the socks off of anyone who comes in contact with him.  Yeah, hes that cool so DON’T FUCK WITH PACHADS.  WOW, one of my friends just asked me why its good to eat veggies.  I personally hate them which is why I gave them up for new years and lent but in actuality, carrots help u see and broccoli helps u shit, case closed.  Well then, enough with the shannagians.  I rule at star fox and OHHH BABY, tonight, Thursday is a hige party at my bros and im here now.  The booze bill came to 170 bucks and let me tell u im going to prob drink 150 of that.  That’s just how I roll so fuck off.  Now, I have been challenged by some noobs tonight to a Thunderdome.  For those who arnt familiar with this legendary act of heroism, bravery and poise, it is a game that many will enter but one will emerge a champ.  You stand around a barrel, drink 1 beer per minute until u cant do it or u puke,  if you’re a man, u can always do it, u just end up puking.  I lost my title to this asshole who fattened me up with pulled pork sandwiches which may I add, were some of the most delicious and tasty sandwiches I have ever had.  SHIT man, these things just melted in your mouth.  Well enough about me, the storm is brewing tonight and need myself a brew and mixed drink cause I usually double fucking fist mother fucker.  I will return a champ tomorrow and tell u of my tales.   PS  there will be many fine ladies tonight so ill have my mack on full attack.  See how I rhymed there, im cool.  So I ate hearty my breakfast today for tonight, I SHALL DINE IN HELL!!!!

sweet sweet food in my tummy

Nice pre-wrapped sausages, that’s all I want. That’s not some gay reference, I just really want some sausages, patties of links. Shit I’m so hooked on them but I’m so full I can only drink. So yeah let me tell you I ate enough today to fill a god damn full grown male tortoise and believe me, they can eat A LOT. Oh man, I love torti because they are so slow and they love to eat and can have sex for like 3 hours at a time even though they only do it like once every 3 years. Pretty much just like me. If I was of that religion shit where I came back, I would defiantly be a tortoise because I love doing all the things they do, including the 3 hour sex, yah you know what im talkin about. Yikes, so I went to a game dinner tonight and it was awesome. I had pulled Goose and it was frekin amazing. I had to eat like 18 pounds of goose and let me tell you, it tastes like sweet sweet corn on a hot summers night whilst playing a game of scrabble with some morons. It was that good. Well, anyways, the best part of the night was when I entered the raffle prize drawing thing. There were 4 bottles of whiskey and I was like WOH!!! So I won a prize and I go up and immediately prick the booze, a bottle of Wild Turkey 101 and it is so delicious. Everyone else that went up was thinking about what they want and im like wow you guys are total fucking idiots not to take the booze or the cigar packs they had. The first guy picked got a pair or binoculars, which was like WTF guy u don’t need binoculars if u got the booze in your system. As some of you may know, im a god damn marksman in the NRA and ill be damned if you need binocs to see something. You need your god given talent of awesome eyes, such as myself to fuckin rock out with your cock out. But actually if your hunting you might want to keep captain PeNe away cause it could be mistaken for a wild armadillo. Or so im told. Wow, ok sorry I took so long, I jujst chugged 3 beers way to fast and I felt like I was gonna boot but its ok because its before 9 and boot and rally is in effect. My fellow legends and party goers know what I mean and what I great rule to have in place. Oh man I forgot if I told everyone, I also won a pack of sweet stogies at the game dinner and it was frekin amazing to walk out with a bottle whiskey and stogies. Lets just say the whole bottle didn’t make it home…. Teheheheheehehehe . Yikes, so after my game dinner, I had plans with my uncle at his place to eat a nice surf and turn dinner and I wasn’t hungry at all but I beasted down a piece of steak, some crab legs and stuffed clams etc etc. And after that I got sooo full that I almost couldn’t drink, and I just thought what the fuck that is no fun Mister Wonka so im gonna fuck you up the ass with your own chocolate bar you wont even know which oompa loomps if caressing your ballz sack and which asshole spy is stealing your secret piss ant recipies. Ok its halo time so im gonna get going and drink tills I cant feel anything anymore! BOOH YAH mother fuckers. Also, to those about to drink, I salute you and to those who are not, you prob suck your own ballz and caress your butthole. Hahahahaahaha ok ryan is getting so pissed at me for writing this.

the genie and the PUSSY

Ok, so this might be gross but quite frankly miss, I don’t give a shit.  Copyright Tim MCD.  Fuck any gay ass fag movie that ever used that line cause u heard it here first.  So I was telling my friend Chris that I had an interesting time at the movies last week.  I was with Texas and we were running late but I had to pee.  So I went to piss but I pushed to hard that I shat myself and I was like oh shit.  So I went to the stall and proceeded to remove my underwear and place it on the toilet paper roller thing and then I booked it.  Fuck washing your hands.  You think Aladdin washed his hands before he rubbed the genie on the dick, I think not.  Aladdin was fucking beast when he stole that lamp, he was like fuck you jaffar, im gonna eat your fag ass parrot then spit it out on your hand.  Take that home for your momma and tell her to use it on your tuna salad.  That’s just how I roll.  So yeah, went to taco bell again tonight but I got some KFC as well, not gonna lie it was scrumptious and I ate it all.  Im prob gonna go later and eat 10 more pounds of gold then be worth 1000000000 dollars.  Yeah you don’t even know much that is you geek.  Maybe ryan or moulzie.  But they are both dwebs and they love marshmellows.  So as I was sayin, I was fucking hung over all day and I felt like shit but I went to breakfast and I don’t know how many of you like hash, but I LOVE it and I got soooo much, I got it an poured syrup all over it, not the aunt Jemima shit, cause she aint my aunt and shes a fucking coon.  But actually shes pretty good and im actually gona use her on my DeACK after im done typing.   Lolol, ok ok, im not gonna im just gonna use her on some pancakes I make at midnight and I love to eat.  Ill prob put her on some bagels I make later on with some cream cheese and ohh baby, im gonna die of a heart attack in like 2 days.  Fuck it, im beast.  Ive been freaking out, eating a lot, bangin broads (NOT), eatin pizza, doin no work, partaking in illegal events, beatin the bishop, boozing, sayin hi to sally, movin the machismo, and etc but YIKES!  So I just got up to make a drink and I chugged a whole shit load of coffee syrup and it tasted ok but yikes in the same way but id do it again. Theres not many things I wont drink.  One new years eve, my bros tricked me into taking not 1 but 2 shots or olive oil and it went down so smooth but I would suggest not using it at any time.  Let me tell you though, and ryan is gonna get so pissed but beave will love it, doing shots of olive oil makes your shit come out so smooth and creamy that its amazing and I remember, it was a time of good fortune.  Oh man, I wan tto bang a chick in the ass so bad that I just typed it but im boozed so I don’t care and I love female asses so MUCH!!!!!  If you don’t you suck…… MENS BALLZ!!!!   Sorry dave, I love you but I love womens twats more and ryan will hate that cause I yelled TWAT!!!!!!  TWATTTTT!!!! Fuck you ryan and a shout out to marty who puts up with me every day and helps me post this shit coming out of my head….. LOVE YOU BUDDIE!!!!  HEY!!!  AN HOUR OF POWER, IS BUT A LIFETIME OF GLORY!!!!!          COPYRIFGHT A ONE Marty KD.  Love you.

i klove titties

OHHH baby, this is awesome.. I just made a Taco bell run and it cost 50 BUCKS!  And it was awesome!  Ok I gone like 8 soft tacos with sour cream, so sweet, and like 2 good to gos, a famous bowl, cause its a KFC combined with TB and 2 cheesy fiesta potatoes.  AND SHIT, I just checked the basketball games and I am SUCKING in my bracket as of now.  FUCK PURDUE and its boilermakers, which I thoguth were beer makers, which would have been amazing.   But I am reminded by a good friend by THE SPEECH!!!!  The SPEECHE brings us all together like a conglomerate of pudding in a nice key lime pie which I love to eat but I wouldn’t eat this key lime pie cause of the key to our hearts in our hearts.  Now onto BREWS.   Casue I love beer which reminds me of a story.  There once was a man names Leroy.  Leroy was a god damn negro who loved to drink beers and rob people.  In no way is this a racist story but if it is, just ask for my address asshole and ill let you know and we can fight anytime.  So Leroy was walking one say on the harbor of a virgin town called Virginallia.  Leroy was very desperate to get onto a ship and climb aboard.   Leroy immediately once heard this tune and it sounded like it was like a white man calling his name onto a ship.  Leroy was memorized onto getting on the ship.  Dumb Fuck.  So Leroy lived happily forever, as the story goes but hahahahaha, this is times story.  Leroy, once on the ship, was made a cooks slave on the ship and had to make egg sandwiches every day which he couldn’t do cause this White Admiral TIM could make the best god damn egg sandwiches ever in the whole navy so Leroy sat down and peeled some potatoes.  While Leroy was peeling some potatoes one day, a genie appeared and he was ranted 69 wishes.  His first wish was that all people were created equal, then Jefferson, adams, JFK and MLK JR were assinated.  His second wish was that an alien life was found and then it was and Africa was demolished by its parking of its parking on the planet so Leroy thought about his third wish.   So Leroy thought, OH MAN!!!  OK! I know, I would like a KFC on every corner of every street!  Ok the genie said but that was already done by a one T MAC DADDY and Leroy put on a sad face then died.  T MAC DADDY seeing how dead Leroy was just asked the genie for one thing.  He wanted a sweet taco bell set up in every American capital that set up free tacos every Tuesday in memory of leroys death.  In actuality, tim didn’t give a shit about leroys death, he just wanted some free tacos and he wanted them every Tuesday so how could you blame him.  So yeah, that was my day pretty much instead of my story I was working for about 5 min and chilling the next 8 hours.  So in the meanwhile ive been chillin, walin around outside in the nude sometime saying fuck you guy cause im on my property and I can walk nude if I want too so I do.  Hey it may be raining but I don’t give a shit I love to booze. WOW!!!!  Ok I just looked at my bros roommates comp and theres a naked lady on it and she has the sweetest TITS EVER!!!!!!!!  Like they are so plump and scrumptiouls that I just want to chew on them before I take a bite of those sweet sweet peaches.  Shit ok im blabbing on right now so I don’t even know that the fuck is going on but im about to play some halo but I can hear some fucking NOOBS!!!! And they sound like 4 years olds but I will show no mercy to these assholes that are tinier then my gut and my dick.  SO fuck them and I will ROCK their world/.  Ok so im gonna peace out, PEACE!?.  

So I Says to the Guy, I says 'Ey

Another day, another dollar, as I always says.  Ok that was pretty gay but theres a perfectly good explanation, Im sober as a rat and I feel like shit.  Didn’t go to work today, I called in at 4:30 AM and I forgot what I said but it wasn’t good but im fuckin Tim McDaniel so people don’t fuck around.  BUT! Whilst at home, I discovered a hidden lost gem that I had written at work some months ago.  It goes a little something like this:  [[[There once was a man named Bob, who made a shish ka bob.  It was a fantastic meal to have considering it was a hot summer night.  There was a girl with bob as well and she was lookin mighty fine.  So bob finished his delicious ka bob and proceeded to serenade her under the soft moonlight.  It was so beautiful, like a one moulzie baking pasta and meatballs, belting out it’s amore to some sweet sensual Italian chick.  Rather that going with a traditional smooth rock son, bobs choice was “you shook me all night long.”  And believe me, there was some shakin and a bakin in the hood that night and when the BOB O SPREAD is a rockin, get the fuck away.  After that tasty ka bob, bob needed some shakin.  Through the midnight air bob sang and sang until she couldn’t take it anymore.  She had an explosion of forestry right there in her pants.  Like the time when Fern Gully was on the brink of demolition but was brought back by a sexy little Fern angel. At that time, bob proceeded to slip her some roofies so that they may get down to business.  Bob didn’t even need the roofies but he likes his women like he likes his industrial sized fan, best to do when unplugged and out of commission.  Oh my, it was awesome business that was being done after the roofies.  The next morning, bob was cracking his eyes open when a one Dan the ka bob killer was sitting by his bed.  Dan slowly took bob outside where he proceeded to beat bob to the point of death.  He actually killed him so don’t get all hopeful cause I don’t give a shit.  Ill kill the woman bob pleased too!  DO NOT TEMPT ME.  And so ends the story of bob and his wonderous night of making shish ka bob and the events that followed.  May his memory live on every time u strike up that grill.]]]  Yeah so that’s just a little something I cooked up while on break.  I also just got back from the greatest place known to man besides a liquor store, strip club or asian massage parlor, it was the scrumptious KFC/Taco Bell combo dining facility.  OHHH man, I feel like im gone die every time I go but the sweet sweet taste of sour cream makes it al better.  OH MAN!  Shit I forgot, so I was wasted last night and I went with my bro to play basketball.  Let me tell you right away, that I royally suck at basketball.  I had a few shots and I remember NONE of them even hitting the rim or back board.  On top of that I couldn’t remember my team so assholes were yelling to me when I got the ball and I passed it to the wrong team like 30 times. FUCK basketball but at the time is was an awesome idea.  That’s pretty much it, im gonna go so bye. 

SHIT

HEYYYYYYYY.  THE ATTACK comin at you live from a little place called J town.  So yeah, big surprise, Im boozing again and im feeling GGGRRRReat.  Ok tony the tiger, go get face fucked by Count Chocula then fuckin become a butt pirate under Captain Crispy ballz.  SO, ive been workin all day, pretty much pretending to do work and man, let me tell you, I went in totally wasted.  Actually my boss told me I cant drink during the week anymore I reek of booze, and I said screw you man, god created the earth in 7 days, ill booze 7 days a fuckin week!  Ok maybe I didn’t say that, I just walked away but I guess I really smelt bad cause people were saying it.   Fuck it.  So after work I took a brief nap, stroked the salami a few times and let me tell you, it was amazing!  Red tube is the sweetest site of all time and I tend to look for the asian chicks with big tits or red heads, but hey, who is this fat ugly mother fucker to be picky.  LOLOL, ohh man, so sorry, Marty just sent me a picture of a 60 foot penis painted on a roof top.  Allz I got to say to that is GAY, or totally baler cause some people can rock that on top of their house.  Not me.  Oh so back on track here so yeah after my nap/ wackin in, I took a little ride to my alcohol test.  For those who don’t know, you suck, but ill let you in.  I read this add at work and the guys said I should call.  It was looking for heavy drinkers who want to get paid to take some pills.  I didn’t even ask what the pills are for but I sure hope it makes my DONG bigger……  Ok nah, I don’t need that but it would be sweet,  so I called and they accepted me so im ballin it right now.  SO, the pills are for some symptom shit I don’t care about but I get paid $550 BIG ONES at the end!  Yeah, who would take it.  Especially when im lookin for a quick trip to lily spa for a special massage if you catch my drift.  So today was my third trip there and the guy asked me like a hundred questions.  I said no to all but I should have been like GUY, im FREAKING the FUCK out at night.  And I am dude.  Last night, I was attacked by a bear, and I know it was fake but I was caught, trying to hold its mouth open and my hands were starting to hurt so im like what the fuck is there really a bear here????  So the bear obviously bit my hands off and then it crushed me and the strange thing was it didn’t even hurt, he just stopped me from breathing.  So im like shit ive gots to wake up and breathe, so I open my eyes and TOTAL BLACK!  So I blink them a lot and nothing, and then I feel like im floating.  So I start yelling and waving my arms and finally I come back to my sweet bed I call Charles and I was like ohh charles, im back.  And he was happy.  So yeah I probably should have told the guy that story but I didn’t. And this has happened like 3 times but I just stay up and watch Home Improvement and rock an all nighter so fuck it, im getting monAY.  So yeah that’s pretty much it for today.  OHHHH, ok ill eave you with a HALO quote.  I was playing with this asshole on my team so I told him to fucking go fucking his Jew dad on Quanza and he started yelling but I just kept killing noobs.  Soon after I realized the 2 didn’t go together so I was fucked so I just kept yelling at the kid cause he was an asshole, and I told my bro I was playing with to take the 2 which you all should know by now.  And he did.  So that’s pretty much it, not gonna lie im gonna go drink a lot more and prob get taco bell later, so PEACE OUT!  Ryan, fuck you with your war in.  YOU ARE GAY.

THE BEGINNING

Hi.  Ok, not gonna lie to you guys, ive been boozing for about 3 hours now and I am feeling amazing.  As many would say, Ive been elected as mayor of Happy Town, population: ME.  Ok, so if you don’t know who I am, get the fuck out of my blog space asshole and if you know who I am, im doing this for you.  Im streaming to you some of the sweetest, yet most sensual anecdotes of our time.  If that’s spelt wrong fuck it.  But anyways, my name is Sweet Daddy T MC D, or to the lay man, Tim McDaniel, or to the ladies, MR. PLEASURE LANE.   Seriously.  Ok so I personally think im the most boring mother fucker of al ltime but you may think differently after reading this shit im shooting your way.  Well enough with the bullshit, Im 22 and I LOVE to booze it up.  Im currently a General in the Evan Williams Army but ive also served as a pirate under Captain Morgan, a horseman under Cossack, a number under 151, a baller under Goldschlager, a German under Yagermeister, and who could forget, a faggot under the Peach schnapps regime.  Well enough of that miss, lets move on. So as I was sayin, I currently work for my Town in what is one the easiest jobs in the world.  Ive broken more then $5,000 in equipment and crashed about every company truck we have but hey, im the man so im not fired.  Recently, ive just been boozing and hoping for the best. Shit, I was gonna say I was getting so pissed writing when im not in school but my bro just handed my a big ole piece of steak with some sauce that is AMAZING.  Well now that you’ve heard about him, hes my bro Justin and I pretty much live over his place, right next to mine and we booze it up there every night.  His friends arnt quite as beast as mine but I pick up the slack time and time again.  Oh man, about 3 nights ago, Thursday night is our usual booze and card night.  I get bombed every time and I love it.  Apparently I started too early and sat in a chair that was structurally unsure so it broke and I smashed my head on the concrete ground.  It hurt but I didn’t feel it at the time which kind of makes me invincible.  Ive had glass shuved in my back, ive crashed, been burnt alive, etc etc.  You will all have to chime in in the future to find out the life of T MCfuckinD.  I don’t kniow how long a blog is supposed to be but I REALLY need to make another drink so ive gots to get going.  If you don’t like this then go fuck yourself and I honestly don’t care.  I once told a guy on Halo to fuck his mother, he said his mother was dead so I said id dig her up, grind her bones and use it as pussy salt on her step mom.  That’s how crazy I am.  So tune in soon for the next installment.