sweet sweet food in my tummy

Nice pre-wrapped sausages, that’s all I want. That’s not some gay reference, I just really want some sausages, patties of links. Shit I’m so hooked on them but I’m so full I can only drink. So yeah let me tell you I ate enough today to fill a god damn full grown male tortoise and believe me, they can eat A LOT. Oh man, I love torti because they are so slow and they love to eat and can have sex for like 3 hours at a time even though they only do it like once every 3 years. Pretty much just like me. If I was of that religion shit where I came back, I would defiantly be a tortoise because I love doing all the things they do, including the 3 hour sex, yah you know what im talkin about. Yikes, so I went to a game dinner tonight and it was awesome. I had pulled Goose and it was frekin amazing. I had to eat like 18 pounds of goose and let me tell you, it tastes like sweet sweet corn on a hot summers night whilst playing a game of scrabble with some morons. It was that good. Well, anyways, the best part of the night was when I entered the raffle prize drawing thing. There were 4 bottles of whiskey and I was like WOH!!! So I won a prize and I go up and immediately prick the booze, a bottle of Wild Turkey 101 and it is so delicious. Everyone else that went up was thinking about what they want and im like wow you guys are total fucking idiots not to take the booze or the cigar packs they had. The first guy picked got a pair or binoculars, which was like WTF guy u don’t need binoculars if u got the booze in your system. As some of you may know, im a god damn marksman in the NRA and ill be damned if you need binocs to see something. You need your god given talent of awesome eyes, such as myself to fuckin rock out with your cock out. But actually if your hunting you might want to keep captain PeNe away cause it could be mistaken for a wild armadillo. Or so im told. Wow, ok sorry I took so long, I jujst chugged 3 beers way to fast and I felt like I was gonna boot but its ok because its before 9 and boot and rally is in effect. My fellow legends and party goers know what I mean and what I great rule to have in place. Oh man I forgot if I told everyone, I also won a pack of sweet stogies at the game dinner and it was frekin amazing to walk out with a bottle whiskey and stogies. Lets just say the whole bottle didn’t make it home…. Teheheheheehehehe . Yikes, so after my game dinner, I had plans with my uncle at his place to eat a nice surf and turn dinner and I wasn’t hungry at all but I beasted down a piece of steak, some crab legs and stuffed clams etc etc. And after that I got sooo full that I almost couldn’t drink, and I just thought what the fuck that is no fun Mister Wonka so im gonna fuck you up the ass with your own chocolate bar you wont even know which oompa loomps if caressing your ballz sack and which asshole spy is stealing your secret piss ant recipies. Ok its halo time so im gonna get going and drink tills I cant feel anything anymore! BOOH YAH mother fuckers. Also, to those about to drink, I salute you and to those who are not, you prob suck your own ballz and caress your butthole. Hahahahaahaha ok ryan is getting so pissed at me for writing this.