Twiddle Me This, Twiddle Me That

For every Diamond, a Dog, every momument a schmuck, and for every hero, a pansy that he can pwn the shit out to achieve glory on the highest of scales.  YIKES!  Ok one more week till a big pay day for my alcohol study and I am freaking out.  Ive been halluseniating and shit, I know I spelt that wrong but ive been seeing shit that isn’t there so im freaking out.  BUT, I just tell they guy im fine so the meetings are sweet and slow.  But recently as I slumber and if I wake up I usually see a lonely man walk up and sit next to me.  And it sounds fucking crazy but ive done weirder things like fall asleep on a heater and burnt myself, BUT, as this solitary man sits next to me he talks to me and we have the most amazing conversations.  Well not amazing but I just keep asking are you real and every time I reach out to touch his soft body he disappears and I don’t like it cause this guy seems so lonely.  Perhaps it is a look deep into my life into the bowls of my boners etc etc.  Whatever it is, I hope he stops soon cause I stop taking the pills soon.  Anyways, ive been hooked on the Song Last Dance With Mary Jane and its pretty much one of the greatest songs of all times.  Any people think the song is about Marijuana, but I believe that it is about the sweet sweet taste of Mary Jane, AKA, pussy juice.  What better way to talk about it then to name it Mary Jane, so innocent.  If it isn’t that its like coconut cream pie of some shit, but its something GOOD.  Lets just say it is a last dance with one of my favorite things, booze.  It would not be a happy day, it would be the day the earth stood still, only my heart would stand still, and I would slowly pass to the underworld like Hemotep in the Mummy.  All those god damn mummies touching my sweet sweet BOD.  Yeah the ladies cant have my BOD, it goes to the demons of the underworld and they can all have a piece of the timenator.  Now I digress.  I cannot bloat my sexiness over the one, the only, the BROAVEST, a one Mister Conway Twitty.  Now people, you may be familiar with his swagger, but did you know he had the most number one hits out of asll the country singers up to the year 2000??????  Yeah, he beat out many fabs such as Johnny Cash, Hank Williams Sr.  etc etc.  THAT IS FREAKIN AWESOME!  Fuck Willie nelson, ill take Conway Twitty any day.  Some say he was born in Kentucky, NO, I say he was born in Heaven and he is the second son of God, sent down to teach us the ways of a baller human being.  Once Conway saw a commercial for Fantastic Sams and he immediately went there demanding that they cut someone’s hair to his dimensions.  The ladies and one fag guy tried as hard as they could but try and try they might, they couldn’t not.  Conway proceeded to kill everyone in the store including 2 old ladies who just wanted their hair cut that day.  Conway was praised a hero because no one could have his hair DOO.  He killed them all with a broken bottle of moose, which he despised cause it took away from his natural suave. Enough with Sir Conway Twitty.  Hes baller, end of story, anyone who has beef with that can come see me, ill defend him to the death.  So today was pay day and I was seriously considering my sexual fantasies with like 12 hookers but ill wait a few weeks until I can defiantly get 12, ill let u know when im close.  Now moving onto another issue, I don’t give a shit what people think, the most amazing animal in the world is the turtle.  They cant move fast, CAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE TO, and they just mozy around all day and have sex for like 3 hours at a time every 4 years.  Let me tell u why I want a shell.  I want one cause I could make fun of assholes on steroids or big black coons and they cant do anything about it.  The most they can do is pick me up when they do ill just piss on them cause that’s what turtles do, pee. And man, I would pee on so many black people cause that’s all they do is pee on society cause they DO NOT work and they just steal from people all day.  Its no surprise to me that the prisoner population in the US is 99.8% Black and that’s a proven fact.  Oh and by the way, I am pro death penalty.  Sorry SR. STANKS, but ill fry those mother fuckers before they can put their plea in.  I don’t give a shit, ill bash my gavel and have those mother fuckers bite the curb.  Ryans prob getting pretty pissed right now so ill stop being a racist.  In closing, there used to be this girl I Knew and loved.  Her name was Suzie.  Suzie never liked my physique, couldn’t figure out why, im a fucking golden stallion and she never liked the roofies I tried to put in her drink, yet she couldn’t stay away from me. Prob because I had a big on her and could and DID follow her everywhere.  Suzie finally had a restraining order  put against me but since I was a judge I didn’t care so her and I continued to date.  One day as I was eating a sweet piece of watermelon, which I LOVE, Suzie asked me to marry her, and being a millionaire, I said yes!  Lets do it.  Our marriage consisted of one of the most fucked up weddings of all time, the greatest sex I have ever had and then a divorce the next day.  It was alright, I had planted my seed and everyone lived happily ever after.  I had Suzie killed shortly after though, so fuck her.