WHOOPS and BALLER

Ok so Tim McDaniel put his foot in his mouth yet again. And yeah i can call myself in the third person cause im a fucking God mother fucker if you got beef, go make a fucking taco and feed it to me cause its all bullshit. Not literally with the whole foot thing, im not that flexible but I could do it cause im baller. No, ok so I was at a party at my bros and we never have black people over, nothin against them, we just don’t know any. So a few nights ago, my bro did have this black girl over but she was friend of a friend so not on the guest list which I check often to watch my jokes. So I noticed her but ok I thought she had a bad tan, you know how women love to sit out in the sun for hours, personally, I go the all natural way but working out in the sun. Those who know me know I have a mean farmers tan. So yeah this girl looked tanned or Milano like. So I was talking to my friend and I forgot if I was telling a joke or just talking but I said Nigger and she immediately shot me a dirty look cause she heard me. My friend were dying laughing and I really didn’t care so she left immediately and the party continued, mission success. Nah, it wasn’t a mission and I thought she was coming back with the entire hood but we were good the rest of the night. Look I don’t know how it happened, these are just things that occur at tim mcdaniel parties, ive made an ass out of myself so many times. Ive evn gone as far as to make up a fake name to a lady who claimed her name was Cody. Who the fuck is named Cody besides a man. So besides the norm, ive just been chilln, my alcohol study is all but over with a one month check up and an extra 2 HUNDO in my pocket. Oh man, well the alcohol challenge as they called it consisted of me in a room for 3 hours watching national geographic and no human contact besiades the guy bringing drinks in for me. There was one drink I had to drink and I could refuse the next 8, I refused none cause im baller like that. They are paying me to drink and im gonna go ahead and refuse to booze it up, go FUCK yourself if your not gonna take a drink when your getting MONAY!!!!! So yeah I took all the drinks but I was soooo bored, they were making them so weak I was so pissed but my blood alcohol was like .11 and they wouldn’t let me out until I was under .02 so im like go fuck yourself im fine and they let me go early. I came down a bit but I was still rockin and ready to roll. So besides bangin broads and doing as little work as possible I just chill now a days with a Koozie in my hand always filled with a brew. Actually im rockin a Jack and coke cause I got a handle of Jack for my b day and it tastes delicious. So its inspiring me for a story. This is based on a true story about my friend Scottie. Scottie was a tall thin man who loved his brews and women. One day whilst Scottie basked in the sun on his private island which he invites me over too all the time. Oh m an let me tell you this island is fucking baller. Hes got it staffed with Mexicans from all around Mexico that shit hole it is, sorry if you are Mexican and reading this, its your problem, not mine. So yeah Scottie has millions of beaches on this island and he was rockin one day when a yacht with Jessica Alba pulls on up and she wants to bang the scott meister. Let me tell you, Scottie is no easy catch, the woman could be Queen Apherdite herself which I totally spelt wrong but shes the godess of sex and scott would play hard to get, that’s how fucking baller he is. So Jessica was just chillin on the beach and I was like bitch get the fuck out of my sun and go grab me a brew. For those that know me, that’s the reason I got a negative imprint of a babe on my rock hard solid chest. So she moved and continued to grab me Scottie and marty who was also there wacking off in the corner with a coconut, which is more comftorable then you think. So when Jessica returned, Scottie proceeded to bring her to the cabana and bang her ohhh id say 15 times. Yeah I had about 15 drinks so id say that’s right. At that time marty came to me and we both went turtle hunting cause they taste delicious. I know I know, they are my favorite animal but that just means that they tase extra delicious. In the evening hours Scottie proceeded to sink Jessicas boat and execute all Mexican members on board. Marty and I had no quams with the decision and made the other Mexican people watch from the island to remind them what would happen if they pissed in out cereal or whatever that might do. I do not fuck around when it comes to cereal and Scottie, he would love his cinnamon toast crunch and if there was piss in it, it ruined his whole day. So with Jessica on the island, Scottie lives happily ever after and Marty and I visit often and sometimes get a piece of Jessica, not food but you know what I mean, and we pay Scottie tribute like ever time we go over, a fine price to pay for such a piece of meat. Speaking of tribute, Ryan, you owe us all like 150,000 dollars just because youa re lower on the food chain then us. So pay up of fucking scott will eat you. He will literally cook you and eat you, and ill grab a leg whilst im at it. YEAH.