So im just sitting here and I was thinking. Now that I have 44 Billion dollars, who cares about anything! BUT, I Digress and compose a new post for you here tonight. Well I was wondering what the fuck would happen if we were all super heroes. First you have marty. Cool, calm and collected, if I had to pick who he would be, well I have deduced that he is batman. Dark, mysterious and with pointy ears. Yeah that’s him. Along with his piece of shit side kick robin, batman patrols the hallways searching for people out of place then he proceeds to kill them immediately. Marty’s motto, kill first, ask questions later. And god damnit he kills many many people. Now on to my good friend and fellow action hero Jared. Jared is a giant loogie on the underbelly of society. For him, I have picked the elusive Silver Surfer. Why you ask, well Jared likes to wear underwear only and pretend to surf in the living room at all hours of the day. Some times he will put it on a surfing movie like surfs up or Love in the time of Cholera and pretend to be surfing with the characters cause hes that gay. He also eats a lot of fish which means he will prob get mercury all throughout his body and therefore he will eventually turn silver. PS, jared will go bald eventually so its just another reason why he IS the silver surfer. He also wants to destroy the plant for a higher being that he follows, a Mister Buddy Weiser. Oh look at me going on and on about j ROD. Now onto the moulzie, sweet sweet moulzie. Moulzie is THE THING from fantastic 4. Now let me tell you why. The thing, like ole dirty moulzie, is big and bulky and has a heart made of pure sandstone from the fires of Mount St. Helens herself. She would not even let his heart out the god poked his finger up her bum so she had to explode, you may have seen it on TV, a natural disaster I ask you? NEY! It was a bitching match between the sweet sweet mountain and god himself. Now as more of why the Thing is moulzie. If you’ve seen the movie, you can see that the thing has a thing for blind black women. NEED I SAY MORE. That is right up old dirt moulzies ally. Tell me he dosent like the black women and being blind, they cant see how ugly he actually is. Sorry moulzie, I love you man and always will. But you do love black women and let me tell you, blind makes them extra better at other senses including FUCKING. Yes, I say again, blind women have better sex and I know from experience. Ok maybe not. Now onto my good friend and senior get away date Danny. This was a tough choice cause I could actually go male or female with my choices. I had to go with the Lone Ranger. All sturdy on his horse and shit he loves rangering around with his cowboy hat and shit. His rival, Walker, the texas Ranger beats him to the punch many a time but danny keeps truckin on and with no resolve. Now danny has a little partner cause poncho that he brings with him everywhere and he sometimes calls his partner PUKE and he gives it to TIM sometimes, not gonna name any times but I can sure remember one time. But I digress, I had my pay back coming to me when the BUTT CHEEK BANDIT lost to me and had to perform a certain act. So, the long ranger is perfect cause hes a bandit too, perfect! Now onto Beave. This was very hard because he is the ranking member of the Legend society and how can one person make him an action hero. How, I ask you, its like Ellen degenerate trying to hook up with a guy. It just dosent happen. And can someone tell me why that asshole has a show on actual television, I don’t get it, she sucks at life and does not deserve to be on TV, what the fuck man, she is not funny and she sucks ballz, or pussy teheheheehehehe. Now onto Beave. I have chosen Beave to be TARZAN. For many a reason, Beave is tarzan because he likes to wear a speedo and he loves women and booze. Shit its so hard to type tarzan because it has a z in it and I don’t like typing Z mother fucker. Oh yeah, hes tarzan cause he likes to swing from tree to tree and say the pledge of allegiance to the Jungle and I loe him so much that hes so cool and I would not give him up for the world because he is a patriot for the Empire and such a baller human being. So as being tarzan, beave joins ther ranks of Stalin, Kruschev and tarzan in that they probably all killed animals and tarzan is beast at killing them. Ok Now onto the money prize of Ryan. This is a very hard choice but im gonna have to go with Captain Planet. Why do you ask? Cause he saves the planet every day like a fag and hes so fucking stupid that hes not even a real super hero. What the fuck is captain planet. If theres a captain of the planet its fucking Bob Dole mother fucker. YES, I said iti, its bob fucking dole. Cause hes the fucking man and I love him so much. So why is ryan Captain Planet, cause ever time I tried to throw shit out my window or out the door ryan was like no I love huge man dick don’t throw that away I will eat it and use it for my man compost that I serve to guys at my diner on 69th and 34th street GEEK!!!! Now that’s enough about ryan everyone hes a good guy and I love him till death, but im not married to him so I really don’t. Hopefully he finds a nice guy to settle down with and call his hubby. Now onto me. Im pretty wasted now so all of my typing will not be there but im trying to concentrate. I, Timothy Zeus McDaniel am SNORLAX. Let me tell you why. Im a fucking huge guy who likes to sleep a lot but if you fuck with me you are gonna get a hypnosis and then a body slam because that just how I roll. Anmd actually if I do roll you will all be dead. PLUS, I have a huge ass and I love to sleep but I may have already said that but ok now im gonna go make another drink so peace out homies and I love you all, except ryan.
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