is i had A million Dollars

So as I sit in the vast space we call time, I can only think that what the fuck am I doing without a god damn drink in my hand. What the fuck am I, a god damn Jigabo slave on a colony who gets only water? NOT ME sir, fuck the jigabos. If you don’t know what a jigabo is by now you are an idiot so just ask senior moulzie what it is. So now a days, I hold on loosly but I don’t let go. If I cling too tightly I will defiantly loose control. Ok OK, you got me, that was a sweet sweet song by a one 38 Special. So its not only one band, its 38 of them…. FREAKY. So I was thinking today, what the fuck would I do with a million dollars. Statistically speaking a million is not much but I was listening to a song with that title so I thought of it. For recreational purposes, I will raise the amount to 44 billion dollars. Now there we go, I could fuck a donkey legally with that much money. Now that’s what im talkin about. Nah, only danny girl would do that and I would probably watch so that’s like the grossest thing ever. Oh! Post scriptum, ive been making wicskey cokes with a splash of lime juice and let me tell you, they taste fucking amazing so I suggest you try it. Ive been trying to add lime to everything I drink now, water, booze, coke, olive oil, etc etc and it frekin works with everything, god dam I bless the citrus wonderful taste of lime. Ok now back the issue at hand. If I had 44 billion dollars the first thing I would do is buy a mansion. NOW, this is not for my friends, this is for my sex activities. With my new mansion, I would buy like 18 hookers and stick them in all closets of the house and some on beds. And then I, like a small child on easter hunting for the elusive eggs would run around the house and look for chicks to bang. Tell me this is not an AWESOME idea. What guy would not want to pick out 18 babes of his chooseing and have them hiding. I would shit my pants every time I saw a sweet sweet babe in a closet. Id be like OHHH BABY, The Magician has found you and im about to pull some magic tricks on you. That being code word for I want to bang you, shut the fuck up and lets go. Ok so that’s my first mansion. Now immediately after that fantasy is fulfilled, I would buy a mansion the size of new Hampshire, the smallest state in the union and invite everyone to live with me. We would have ryan in the pool room, so he can clean the pool every night and watch for a fucking lady in the water cause that floats his boat. OHHH get it, he works in the pool so he has a boat that floats until the moulzie or myself jump in and sink it. Fuck you ryan. Ok, in the library would be a one Moulzie because he likes books I think but not soo much that, he could look up porn like non stop and he could have secret passages. Ohh man, I would soo have secret passages in every room and like mirrors that I could see out of so I could watch people do stuff. That sounds soo creepy but if u live in a mansion with me, just remember to keep it clean bitches. Ok, in the master bed room would be SIR Timothy McBONEya McDaniel. Yeah that’s me. My room would have its own bar and a private butler. Enough about me. The room with the most closets could go to only one person and you all know it before I even say it. Beave. This legend of a figure will be in the closest pretty much every night and not even sleep in the bed, he would just leave it for the hooker that I would supply every one every night. Now as for my inside garden room with like vines everywhere and shit, it would be for little Danny. He loves his plants and shit so much and I would never let him out of my sight cause hes so cuddly. He would make pumpkins year round to make pumpkin pie for everyone and have a special patch of plants that would be pecans for my pecan pie special that he would serve to me personally at our daily board meetings as to what were low on in the house. Now as for Martay, he shall spend his days in the study. Not actually studying, just looking for ways to dirty the pool for ryan to clean up. And let me tell you, Martay thinks up some nasty shit for ryan to work on in the pool. I love it. Whilst in the study, marty plays Clue with various servants and he always ends u winning cause he just kills them all in the end. Ohhhh martay. Now as for Texas. He spends his day in the Croquet house on the outskirts of the mansion. Let me tell you, he is no hermit. Texas is an expert cook and he loves to please our pallets with some sweet sweet steak or ribs. As tyou can see, I like to say sweet sweet a lot and if you don’t like it then fuck the fuck off cause I don’t like you asshole. Sweet is an amazing word though up by the god Zeus himself after he ejaculated on that bitch ass fairy that runs his errands. He spooged and said SAWEEETTTT!!!!! So yeah that’s the origin of that word. And now finally, last but not least is the famed jared. Jared spends his days in the garage, surrounded by garbage barrels and you all know what that means. THUNDERDOME. The garage is like a battle ground for jared and those who enter must face him. Even though many of us have eaten a world class meal by the time we go in there to get into out respective cars, he challenges us. That leads me to the cars. I drive a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow II, Martya drives a Lambourgini, Danny drives a DAE WOO, Beaver drives a Hummer 3 with no regard for the environment, Jared drives a Nissan Passant, Moulzie drives a ladies car, a Chrysler Sebring, Texas drives a sweet sweet Tractor Trailer and he is part of a convoy that rocks out with their cocks out. Finally we get to RYAN. Ryan drives a Ford Model T and he is the slowet mother fucker I have ever seen in my life. So that’s the garage, if I forgot someone just tell me and ill put u in cause im boozed right now. Now as for the mansion itself. It would have the named rooms plus 44 guest rooms for some kick ass parties. Now as for the bars. There will be 88 of them and they will be fully stocked at all times god damnit, I cannot stress this enough. That’s what the weekly board meetings are for, the booze situation. And so days would go by, nights would be partying and that’s basically what I would do with 44 Billion dollars. That should last me until I die. FUCK Richie rich, yeah I want a catapult that 1 person can use ever 4 hours. Fuck you RICH, I want booze, a pool with a pool boy (ryan) and booze. That is all, I hope you enjoy.